Animus
by pardonwink
Summary: Naruku is defeated, but then things go horribly awry. Now, someone must pay for Kagome's broken heart.
1. Chapter 1

Animus

A/N: to counteract the fluffy-ness of my humor fic, Reversal, my muse thought this up. WARNING: Dark, angsty, and very, very lemony. This is rated M for a reason.

Chapter One: Bait the line

Kagome let Sango grip her hands one last time and met her friend's pleading gaze, even if her mind was made up.

"Don't do this, please! Please, Kagome!" Sango's voice was a low, hoarse whisper, and her eyes shimmered with unshed tears.

Jerking her hands away, Kagome felt a stab of jealousy. Sango had Miroku. Sango could cry, she could feel. Kagome couldn't. Not anymore.

"You know it won't make you feel better," her friend added, before leaving Kagome alone by the edge of the forest.

Kagome shivered as the autumn wind howled through the trees. "I know," she said, but Sango was gone.

She cast one final look behind her, hoping her friends would forgive her, and slung her bag over her shoulder, heading into the dark woods.

Sango had not been forthcoming with the information that Kagome sought. It had taken many late night talks, begging, and promises Kagome never intended keeping, for the demon slayer to acquiesce. She did not dare tell her friend the truth, of what she really intended. _Let Sango think it is mere revenge, _Kagome thought. It was that and more. So much more.

Kagome did not know how long it would take for her plan to work, if it would at all, but she was stubborn if nothing else, and she could not go home and leave Inuyasha…not as he was now.

The thought of him made her gasp, and stopped her dead in her tracks. Desperately, Kagome tried not to picture his face as she had last seen it. She shook her head hard enough to rattle her teeth, determined to loose the image from her brain.

"No," she whispered. She could not give in to her despair. Not while there was still hope.

Another face took Inuyasha's place and her breath hissed through her teeth. "What if I can't do it?" She asked herself.

It was a legitimate question. What if she couldn't? What if _he _killed her? Or refused her? Kagome shrugged. It was of no consequence. If she could not, for whatever reason, complete the task she set out to… She could not bear to finish her line of thought, so she set her mouth in a hard, thin line and continued on.

As she neared the witch's hut, Kagome began to tremble. _What if Sango is right? Maybe I should just go back and take care of Inuyasha. _She shook her head. No, fate had been too unkind, and things were not acceptable as they were. Sango had told her she should feel thankful that Inuyasha was even alive, but Kagome did not. The way he was now…that was no kind of life at all.

There had been all the things she had longed for. Tender kisses under pale moonlight, whispered words of forever, but it had all been taken from her with cruel, cold, efficiency. Kagome thought that even having a taste of what she wanted was far worse than never having it at all. At least before she did not know what she was missing.

She had been good for the first few weeks. Kagome had even hung onto the hope that with healing and time Inuyasha would get better. But as the weeks passed, she found she could no longer look into his vacant eyes, or at his spittle soaked chin…his slack, open mouth. Everything she loved about him was gone, and only his shell remained.

Then Sango and Miroku married, and Kagome let jealousy twist her heart and make it bitter. Her lips would curl into a sneer whenever they would pass her way, she would catch herself and feel guilty for having such terrible thoughts about her dear friends.

The guilt never lessened. She would wipe Inuyasha's chin, her hand trembling with her disgust. She was disgusted by his state, and angry. Then, during the long, dark watches of the night, guilt would creep in, a cold mantle on her shoulders, a bitter pill. If only she could cry, but she doubted she could anymore. All of her pain, grief…all of her rage had burned away to nothing more than a single, solitary spark. And that spark was for one burning hatred alone.

Kagome focused her mind's eye on the face of the one she hated, and it gave her courage. With slow, purposeful steps, she made her way over the small, rocky path that led to the witch's hut. She wondered if she should wait until morning, if the old woman was asleep, but she could not wait, not for one more second. Inaction had been making her feel as brittle as thin glass, and if she did not do something to keep her thoughts at bay, she was certain she would break.

Her hand hovered by the bamboo mat that covered the opening to the hut. A small, sad smile spread over her face. _What I'm about to do is so cruel_, she thought, _but he should suffer as I have. He should have everything taken from him. He has to pay. Otherwise, it just isn't fair. _And that was how Kagome justified it to herself. So many emotions, so much guilt about so many different things…she did not have room to feel anything but a strange, tingly numbness when she thought of him.

Drawing in a tremulous breath, Kagome pulled aside the curtain and peered into the dark hut.

After several moments of silence with Kagome straining to hear over the heavy drumming of her heart in her ears, someone spoke.

"Well, don't just stand there gaping, girl. Come in." The voice was raspy and thin. A small lantern lit the interior of the small hut.

A stooped old woman with brown skin as wrinkled and thin as ancient parchment sat cross-legged on the floor, looking up at Kagome as if she had been expecting her. Maybe she had.

Kagome entered the hut, leaving her bag at the door and sat across from the woman on the grass mat, curling her aching legs under her.

"I'm sorry to disturb you at so late an hour," Kagome began, "But I have heard that you can make-"

The old woman waved a gnarled hand, silencing her. "Yes, I can, girl." She smiled, revealing rows of yellowed, broken teeth.

"I don't have much to give you for payment," Kagome said.

The old woman shrugged. "Never you mind. It does my old heart good to see young people still a twitter over impossible love. And you do know it is impossible, right girl? Oh, it will work well enough, he will want you, but after he's had his fill, he'll leave you, maybe even kill you. Years ago, I tried telling the young ones this, but I know now that a heart set on something cannot be dissuaded."

Kagome looked away, hiding the lie that was surely in her eyes. She just could not bear to tell this kindly soul what she was really using this for.

"What type of demon is it?" The old woman asked.

"Dog, and very, very powerful."

The old woman chuckled. "Dog is good, they rely so much on their sense of smell. Powerful you say? Is he dangerous?"

Kagome winced, closing her eyes. "Most assuredly."

She felt the witch's dry, soft hand on hers suddenly. The hand was warm, comforting, like a grandmother's touch. Kagome blinked at the tears that stung her eyes.

"Child…the act itself might kill you."

She swallowed hard. "I know."

The hand gave hers a light squeeze. "Is this love truly worth the risk?"

Kagome saw Inuyasha's face, as it had been before…handsome, smiling, full of love, love for her! She turned and faced the old woman with a soft, sad smile. "Absolutely."

The old woman's soft brown eyes twinkled and she cracked another near toothless grin. "Very well, child, and no payment other than your happiness is necessary. Now, I will need a small bit of your blood, and a large amount of your patience."

Kagome chose not to sleep in the witch's hut, even though it was offered to her. Instead, she slept outside, curled in her sleeping bag, eyes on the stars.

She dreaded sleep, for with it came the nightmares. So, she would wait for exhaustion to claim her, and hopefully bring a dreamless sleep.

As she lay there, she thought back to the final confrontation with Naruku. It had been so much easier than everyone thought it would be. No one had died, no one had been grievously wounded. HE had even come to their aide. How were they to know what he would do next?

She pictured Naraku's last moment as her arrow streaked through the sky toward him. Her mind replaced Naruku's face with his face. If only she had known…

No sense in thinking that, she chided herself. Besides, soon I will make it all right again.

Morning came too early, and Kagome groaned as the old woman gave her shoulder a hard shake.

"I need your blood now, child. Just a little prick of the finger," the witch said as she took Kagome's finger and drew a small drop of blood with a long, silver needle. The witch caught the bead of crimson in a glass vial and then went about her business.

Kagome waited for her to finish, mind carefully blank. She knew that if she thought too long or hard about all of this, she would likely turn tail and run home, as she was often tempted to do. But Inuyasha…his fate demanded vengeance, and she could not let go of the tiny grain of hope that said she might, just might be able to save him. Otherwise, she would put him out of his misery.

By midday, the witch presented Kagome with a vial of thick, viscous, yellow liquid. She reached for it eagerly, but the old woman pulled back.

"Child, this is potent. Just a tiny drop should do. It will only draw inu youkai, but you should be wary for I cannot guarantee it will draw the one you wish it to."

Kagome nodded and took the vial and put it carefully into her pack. She patted the old woman on the arm and forced a thin-lipped smile. "Thank you."

The witch nodded and then scuffled back into her hut.

Kagome was not sure where to find him. She took out a compass from her bag and decided the only direction she could head was west. She knew that she could not be far from his territories, Sango had drawn her a small map, and if anyone knew about such things, it was Sango. Kagome only hoped that her friend had not deliberately led her astray.

She frowned at that thought. Since when did I become so suspicious, she wondered. But she knew the answer.

Kagome pulled the vial out of her bag and held it up to the sun. There was still time to turn back, to abandon this. She uncorked the bottle and dabbed a tiny amount of the greasy fluid on each wrist and between her breasts. As much as she would have liked to forget all of this, go home and chalk the whole experience up to one long nightmare, she could not.

Just hang on, Inuyasha, came her silent prayer as she trudged onward.


	2. Chapter 2

Animus

Chapter Two: Spread the net

A/N: thanks to my kind reviewers! Seeing that someone enjoys my writing really makes my day! For readers of Reversal: I will be updating that some time this week.

The rain fell hard against her skin in icy, unrelenting sheets. Fitting, this weather, Kagome thought. Every step she took solidified the grief in her heart until it was a stone, dark and heavy, a burden almost too much to bear. But she had to bear it, she was the only one who could.

She did not have an obligation to the past anymore, she knew this, but she could not go home either, not yet. The Skikon was complete, and now…gone. The day before she left the village, the temptation to wish Inuyasha back to his healthy, old self had been almost overwhelming. But she had not. That would have been a selfish wish. Instead, with hope filling her heart near to bursting, she had made a very different wish.

Kagome wished for things to be as they should be.

The jewel sparked in her hand, and then faded away, gone forever. And nothing had changed. Inuyasha was still lost in his mind, body broken and crippled. The one who had done this to him, still unpunished.

Kagome had run to the well, fingers digging into the old, splintered wood. Could she even go home? Was she stuck here forever? She did not have the courage to jump in and test it. What if she could never come back? No, she had to do one last thing first, then she would see if she could go home.

It was the third day of her journey, and she feared she was walking around aimlessly, listlessly hoping to run into him while at the same time wanting never to see his face again. She wondered if she could keep it together, or if she would run away in terror, or cry, or scream…She wondered why she did not feel bad for what she planned on doing. Never in her life had she ever been so cruel. Kagome was not even sure she had thought herself capable of being so vindictive, but it was not fair. It was not fair!

They had all paid their dues. They had all suffered so much, lost so much, and damn it all, she had been entitled to her happiness with the boy she loved. If for no other reason, she could find out why he had done it.

Dawn was gray and cold. The rain had lessened to a misty drizzle by the time Kagome crawled out from under her makeshift tent. As she squeezed the water out of her sleeping bag, she wondered if it was even worth keeping. She did not have time to dry it, so it would mildew and stink.

She pulled a pair of jeans and a rumpled sweatshirt out of her bag and peeled off her wet clothes, her school uniform, and left them where she dropped them. Even if she could go home again, she was certain she had failed her classes. That knowledge should have upset her more, but she found she could not make herself care.

The days went by much the same way. Sometimes it rained, sometimes it did not. The evenings grew longer and colder, her supplies dwindled and then were gone. Kagome lost track of time, herself, her surroundings. Yet, everyday she remembered to dab the slick oil on her wrists and between her breasts, wondering how he was supposed to smell it, be drawn to it, if it had no discernable odor.

One very cold morning, she had a terrible thought. What if her wish had taken him? What if he had just disappeared? She had not seen any youkai for several days, and she knew they were all gone in her time. What if her wish killed them all? What if he was gone, and Inuyasha was to.

She did want him dead. Kagome admitted that to herself, as much as she hated the thought of wishing such harm on anyone save Naraku. But he was hers to dispose of, no one else's, and certainly not fate's. Hers and hers alone.

Her stomach grumbled loudly, and she wondered when was the last time she had eaten. Food was growing scarce. The bushes did not have berries on them anymore, and she was not as good at catching fish as Inuyasha had been. So, she went hungry, half hoping to waste away to nothing. Kagome just wanted to disappear.

Many more days passed before she found him, or he found her. Kagome was not sure which.

It was during a nasty storm in the dark hours of the long, cold night. She had not been able to sleep, and the water soaked right through her sleeping back, wetting her clothes. The canvas she had stretched between two low-hanging branches buckled under the weight of water and drenched her thoroughly. Kagome stood, and let the rain fall on her, silently hoping she would not catch her death.

But instead, death caught her.

She saw him when the lightning flashed, just a flicker of an instant, and not long enough to read his face and know his intent. When the lightning flashed again, he was gone.

Kagome pressed her back into the rough bark of a tree, fingernails biting into her palm. She tried to steady the pounding of her heart, sure that he could hear, sure that he could smell her fear. She wondered if the rain had washed off the oil. If it had, she was dead…if it hadn't, he still might kill her.

She was fighting a losing battle with herself. She wanted to run, run as fast as she could, but she knew he could and would catch her, and that running would only make it worse. Predators like it when you run, she told herself.

Instead, Kagome pressed her back harder against the trunk of the tree, wishing she could sink into it, be absorbed by it, like the myths where Apollo chased a maiden and she became a tree. Yes, she thought, being a tree right now would be good.

Her eyes darted around in the darkness, trying to discern movement, because she could not hear anything over the driving rain. Another bright flash of lightning.

He stood in front of her, head cocked to the side, face unreadable as always, and the darkness swallowed him again.

Against her better judgment, Kagome bolted, her veins pumping with electric fire, the backs of her hands tingling, her mouth dry as though she had swallowed ash. She ran until she could no longer feel the smothering surge of his youki.

Her shoes stuck in the mud, and she abandoned them, the wet earth squishing between her toes. She stood in a clearing, whirling around to see if he had chased her, but she could not see or feel him.

Then her stomach dropped to her feet. She had left her bag, her bow, her arrows…everything, back at that tree.

"So…stupid!" she breathed, still looking around her, getting dizzy from fear and turning in a circle.

She felt him suddenly. It was a crashing wave of hot, throbbing power that rolled over her in waves, tingling up her spine, filling her veins with ice water. Kagome gasped, and backed up a few steps, fighting the instinct to run again.

It was so dark, and the storm was moving away, so the lightning no longer lit her surroundings, but he was there, somewhere, with her in the clearing.

She heard a small whine, and clamped a hand over her mouth when she realized it had come from her. Kagome decided that she had to get her things, and that walking away calmly was unlikely to incite him to violence…right?

Taking a few steps, she let out the breath she had been holding when nothing happened. He was still there, in the complete dark, but maybe he would let her get away. But, you don't want to get away, do you? She asked herself.

Her misgivings were cut off when someone grabbed her hair, close to the base of her skull and pulled hard. Kagome yelped, fingers flying to the hand that held her hair.

She felt hot breath fan over her ear. "Miko," it was his voice. It was Sesshomaru.

"Miko," he said again in the same, chilling whisper. "You should be more careful with your possessions."

Whether her hair was slippery from being wet, or he had let her go, Kagome could not say. She simply knew that she was free and she began to run again. Her foot caught on something, and like in the old, cheesy, horror movies where the girl is running from the monster, she tripped, sprawling face first into the mud.

She struggled to right herself, arms and legs slipping. She heard a soft chuckle and nearly sobbed.

His hand closed over her arm, and he yanked her sharply to her feet. "Why run when you know that I can catch you?"

Her back was to his chest, and she dimly noted that his armor was gone. Sesshomaru's skin was hot and it seeped through her sodden, mud caked clothes. In horror, she realized that she was probably getting his clothes all dirty.

"I…you just…just frightened me…that's all. I didn't mean to run." She hated how weak she sounded. How drenched in tears her voice was.

Kagome felt his chuckle rumble in his chest before she heard it. "And you're not frightened now?"

She commanded her heart to slow and she took a deep, even breath. "No."

His nose was suddenly pressed to her throat and he inhaled sharply, leaving her skin cold. "You lie," he said.

The grip on her arm tightened, his claws pricking the tender skin of the underside of her arm. She felt warmth trickle down to her elbow. It was her blood. Kagome trembled.

"Are you going to hurt me, Sesshomaru?" She asked in a small, tremulous voice.

"Haven't I already?"

His question shattered her utterly. Kagome sagged, going to her knees. Her grief choked her, blinded her. All her carefully thought out plans vanished like smoke blown apart by a cold, cruel wind.

She heard the sharp sound of metal sliding against metal, but when the tip of his sword met with the back of her neck, she barely felt it. Suddenly, she was not afraid.

Exhaustion bore down on her. A terrible sick feeling that made the earth pitch wildly under her. Sparks dotted her vision.

"No!" She moaned. She could not faint, not now. Kagome did not want to die like this, on her knees.

Ignoring the prick of the blade on the back of her neck, Kagome stood, hands thrown out in front of her to gain balance. When she got to her feet, all the blood drained from her head and she stumbled forward.

She whirled to face him, his blade scraping her skin, drawing a thin line of crimson in its wake. The movement was too much and darkness more complete than the moonless night descended on her. Kagome fainted at the feet of her hated enemy.


	3. Chapter 3

Animus

Chapter Three-Caught

A/N: I'm glad my reviewers are finding this story interesting so far. Thank you for the kind words!

WARNING: Mild sexual situation. Chapter Four will be full blown lemony goodness…

That brief moment between sleep and waking was Kagome's heaven. She was certain in those spare seconds, that when she opened her eyes, all would be well.

But all was not well.

She groaned, eyes slowly opening. Her breath came out in a hiss as she propped herself up on her elbow. She peered in the scant light and saw that she was in a cave.

The pale gray of dawn filtered through the still falling rain and fell upon the standing figure of Sesshomaru. Kagome drew in a shaking breath, and then put a hand over her mouth to silence her gasping, but she knew he had already heard her, and she wondered what he was waiting for.

His back was to her, and she noticed that he was not wearing his armor. In some, strange way, it made him look more imposing. Was it his vulnerability she feared? The idea that she might be able to hurt him? Or was it rather the thought of hurting him pleased and excited her and it made her feel like a monster? Kagome pressed her fist into her mouth to smother a sob.

He half-turned then, one golden eye phosphorent in the dim light. Kagome noticed his swords were gone as well. Had the oil worked? She wondered. The idea that it might have made the air difficult to breathe suddenly and her chest grew tight.

In horror, she watched as he held up the vial of oil, his inscrutable gaze upon it, the corner of his lip twitching.

"Miko, what is the meaning of this?" There was no anger in his voice, in fact, Kagome rather thought he sounded weary, but she would not be fooled. She knew it was all a part of his act of feigned indifference.

He did not give her time to answer. "Did you think that this Sesshomaru was so base as to be seduced by something like this? Do you take me for a fool?"

Kagome winced, and pressed her back to the rough, cold wall of the cave. It had not worked, at least, not well enough, and now he would kill her.

"Are you going to kill me, Sesshomaru?" She asked him weakly, eyes on the ground, vision blurred by a sudden onslaught of hot tears.

With a graceful lift of his shoulders, he shrugged. "Perhaps…at least…not yet. You will explain why you have done this."

Kagome swallowed hard. The truth…no, she could not tell him the truth, and the lie she had rehearsed was so bitter, she did not know if she could bear to let the words pass her lips.

She gathered the broken pieces of her resolve as she trembled. It was too late to stop this now.

"I…I need someone to protect me." Her voice was soft, between a sigh and a whisper, but she knew he had heard her. "Naraku may be gone, but-"

Sesshomaru cut her off. "What made you think I would agree to such nonsense?"

Her chin to her chest, she squeezed her eyes shut to halt the flow of tears. "You owe it to me."

She heard his sharp intake of breath over the gentle rain, heard him approach her with quick, agitated strides. Her body tensed, readying itself for pain.

His hand was on her arm, claws pricking her skin. He hauled her to her feet and gave her a shake so rough, her teeth rattled.

Now, she told herself, you have to be brave now. Stop being such a cry-baby, face him, look him in the eye. It is the only way this is going to work.

Kagome raised her chin, and opened her eyes, thinking herself prepared for the look of rage and hatred she would see, but knowing and seeing are two very different things, and what she saw in his eyes made her tremble all over again.

"I owe you nothing!" He growled, punctuating his words with another shake.

Whatever was holding her to her fear, snapped. Kagome's rage returned. You owe me your life, bastard! She thought. Her hands curled into tight fists, fingernails biting into the tender flesh of her palms. Oh, how she wanted to pummel him with those fists, smash his face until it was nothing but blood and broken bone, but instead, she reached up and cupped that face with her hands. His skin was warm. She had expected it to be cold.

His eyes widened, lip curling over his sharp teeth in a snarl. Kagome waited for him to jerk away, to hit her, something, but he did nothing.

The grip on her arm loosened, and he spoke, "How dare you touch me?"

"I'm not afraid of you, Sesshomaru."

And still, he did not shy away from her touch. "You should be. Or have you forgotten how badly I injured your hanyou?" His voice was cruel, as cruel as his words, but Kagome was ready for them.

Kagome chuckled. "Injured? Is that all you think you did? You killed him, Sesshomaru." Another lie, but this one was closer to the truth.

Under her hands, she felt his jaw tighten. "Did I?"

Kagome nodded, her thumbs brushing the soft skin under his eyes while her heart screamed for his blood.

"Then I should do you a favor and kill you as well," he said, his body betraying the threat of his words. He leaned into her touch, just ever so slightly, but it was enough that Kagome felt it.

Squaring her jaw, Kagome leaned forward until she could feel his warm breath on her face. She fought the urge to shrink away, to shudder. "What are you waiting for? If you want to kill me so badly…do it."

Kagome licked her lips, her gaze never faltering from his. She felt detached from herself, as if the whole thing was not real, or she was just watching, not participating. His fingers only just brushed her arm in the smallest of touches, his expression never changed, but she could feel the tension, feel his confusion.

This is for Inuyasha, this is the vengeance he can't seek for himself, Kagome thought as she pulled Sesshomaru's face closer to hers. He did not resist when she brushed her lips over his.

The kiss was brief. Sesshomaru shoved her away, and stumbled backwards, his hand going to his mouth. His golden eyes narrowed, and a thin line appeared between his slender brows. Though, she wanted to run, to hide, to be anywhere but where she was, Kagome stood firm, keeping her gaze level with his. She would not be afraid.

In awe, she saw Sesshomaru's hand tremble, but it was only for a moment so brief, she began to doubt she had seen it at all.

"You will pay for such trickery, bitch," he snarled, hand balling into a tight fist. Blood trickled between his white-knuckled fingers as his claws dug into his palm.

Kagome gave him a thin-lipped smile. "I thought you said that the potion wouldn't work on you?"

He did not answer, nor did he make a move towards her. In grim satisfaction, she saw his nostrils flare. He can smell it, she thought. He can smell it and he's fighting it.

Kagome closed the space between them, her hand outstretched.

"Don't," he whispered.

Putting her hand on his chest, she smiled coyly. The game was becoming easier. "Don't what?"

"Miko…" His whispered voice was either a warning or a plea, but Kagome did not listen. Somehow, some way, she could sense that his resolve was crumbling, the first battle won.

She slid her hand between the folds of his haori, pressing her fingers against the smooth flesh of his chest. His eyes fluttered shut, and he turned his face away from her.

Under the palm of her hand, his heart thundered, beating a mad rhythm, like a thing caged, throwing itself against the bars. She raked her nails over a nipple, and Sesshomaru shuddered.

"When I am free of this enchantment…I will kill you," he bit out, his hand pressed between her breasts as if to push her away, but he made no move to do so.

Kagome pressed her face into the crook of his neck, lips on his flesh. "Then kill me tomorrow, but what will you do with me now?" She said the words against his skin, as his hand slid over her breast.

Her reply was a low moan, but she was not satisfied. Gently, she scraped her teeth along the length of his throat, resisting the temptation to bite down as hard as she could, to tear the skin, to make him bleed. His hand was in her hair now, at the base of her skull, drawing her closer.

His hand in her hair tightened until she cried out. He yanked her head back, head descending on her pale throat. She was then certain he would kill her, but instead of the sharp teeth she expected, there were lips and soft kisses, a hot tongue lapping at her pulse.

She had him now. Had him right where she wanted him. Kagome twisted out of his grip, smiling shyly. His eyes bled red at the corners, his pale cheeks flushed. Sesshomaru reached for her, but she wagged a finger at him.

Slowly, Kagome pulled the still sodden sweatshirt over her head, but Sesshomaru obviously was not in the mood for games, for he rushed her, tearing the shirt out of her hands, lips and teeth roaming over any exposed flesh he could find.

Kagome closed her eyes, squeezed them shut so hard it hurt, and hoped he could not smell her tears.


End file.
